Sex Too Hot or Not Enough? Learn to Apply the Brakes and Accelerators!

In partnership with

The Daily Newsletter for Intellectually Curious Readers

• We scour 100+ sources daily

• Read by CEOs, scientists, business owners and more

• 3.5 million subscribers

Sign up today!

Ready to take your love life from "meh" to "wow"? Well, buckle up, because we’re diving into the tangled world of desire and intimacy! 🌟 Today, we’re spotlighting the brilliant Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.—the ultimate sex educator and author of Come As You Are.

She’s got this super cool concept called the Dual Control Model. Think of it like your love life is a slick sports car (leather seats optional!). You’ve got your accelerators—the things that rev your engine—and your brakes—the pesky things that screech everything to a halt.

Picture this: You’ve spent ages getting ready, the mood is just right, and then…nothing! The car won’t start. Frustrating, right? That’s the complexity of human sexuality—there’s so much more to arousal than just flipping a switch. Understanding this dynamic lets you take control and make your intimate experiences way more satisfying!

Now, how can you and your partner apply this genius theory? Let’s hit the gas! 🚀

Step 1: Identify Your Accelerators

First up, what gets your engine purring? Is it that sultry look across the dinner table or a sweet text during the day? No judgment here! Everyone has their own unique triggers. 💕

💡Tip: Take the Couply App Desire Couples Quiz to uncover what turns you both on!

Step 2: Discover Your Partner's Accelerators

Next, let’s turn the spotlight on your partner. What gets their motor running? Maybe it’s a soft touch or a playful whisper. Knowing each other’s turn-ons is key for a smooth ride!

Step 3: Recognize Your Brakes

Now, let’s talk brakes. What kills the mood faster than running out of ice cream? Stress, fatigue, or even self-doubt can slam on those brakes. Recognizing what gets in the way of intimacy is crucial!

Step 4: Identify Your Partner's Brakes

Your partner’s brakes matter too! What puts the chill on their chili? It might be work stress or feeling disconnected. Sharing these insights can help you avoid those mood-killers together!

Now that you’re tuned into each other’s accelerators and brakes, the challenge is to hit the right buttons without slamming on the brakes! 🚦 Here are some examples:

Accelerators:

• Surprise candlelit dinner? Engine revving!

• A flirty text that makes them giddy? Instant excitement!

• Deep conversations about shared interests? Major turn-on!

Brakes:

• Stressful work emails crashing your vibe? No fun!

• Arguments about chores? Mood killer!

• Negative body image creeping in? Total brake check!

By openly communicating about these factors, you can help ensure the good stuff happens more often while minimizing the impact of those pesky brakes. 💬

Now, grab your partner and explore this list together. After sharing insights about your accelerators and brakes, you can support each other in having a more fulfilling sex life.

Remember, it might feel awkward at first, but trust us—it’s worth it. Getting comfortable discussing desires can lead to deeper intimacy and understanding. It’s like upgrading your car to a spaceship; you’ll be exploring new galaxies of pleasure in no time! 🌌

And if things still seem tricky, don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals. Experts like Dr. Nagoski are here to guide you on your intimate journey.

So, to wrap it up, you and your partner: it’s your car, your journey, your rules. Now, buckle up and enjoy the ride! 🚗💕

Connect with the creator of Couply

Hey I’m Tim, the creator of Couply! I’m working as hard as I can with our small team to make a big difference in your romantic lives. I’d love to hear from you. You can hit me up with feature ideas, improvements or to say hi. Just drop me a note below, which links to my email address. 🙏